Cheap Tuesday

Monday’s poor cousin, Tuesday; the day of poor attendance, unsuspicious sick-days, apathy and lethargy. Nobody goes to see bands on Tuesday nights. Only die-hards go out drinking. The human race seems to collectively feel that Tuesday night is the night to stay home, watch TV and lounge around in bathrobes and fluffy slippers.

To counter this primal instinct or whatever it is, plays, Med Revues, cinemas and other cultural institutions often create “cheap Tuesday” promotions in a desperate attempt to get bums on seats and maybe even break even. But is appealing to economic rationality the right way to go about overcoming the Tuesday-itis that afflicts the masses? In this post, I take a look at this assumption about frugality and investigate some other possible reasons for poor Tuesday turn-outs.

1. Economic reasons
Salaried workers are usually paid in the later part of the week – by Tuesday, they simply may not have any money left to spend. People on welfare who report on Mondays might be paid on Tuesdays, but perhaps they have more important things to spent their pittance on than culture.

2. Social reasons
Chucking a sickie on Tuesday is perfect, because it’s not suspicious like the Monday or Friday sickie. And that project isn’t due until Friday, and your co-workers won’t get organised to start working on it until Wednesday afternoon at the earliest. So why leave the house at all?

3. Historical reasons
Not only did Constantinople fall on a Tuesday, but almost every other massacre, genocide and act of aggression by a state on its own people has historically occured on a Tuesday*. This isn’t a well-known fact, but the danger inherent in gathering in large crowds indoors on a certain day of the week does seem to be burnt deep into the human psyche. Probably for the best.

4. Psychological reasons
Yeah, well, you don’t want to be seen as “cheap”, do you? So you wait for a more expensive night to go out, for fear that people might think you’re poor.

5. Neurological reasons
A “Tuesday gene” has recently been discovered by scientists*. This gene has been shown to activate on a regular weekly cycle. When active, it depresses seratonin levels and induces a strong urge to stay at home, in bed, curled up under the doona*.

6. Conspiracy theory reasons
Tuesday is actually government brain-washing day, so the consumption of free-range culture that might displace or contradict freshly planted propaganda is discouraged as part of the brainwashing program. Thus poor Tuesday cultural consumption is conclusive proof that government brain-washing not only exists, but is very effective*.

*This is a groundless assertion.
*No such gene actually exists.
*Incidentally, as well as alerting killjoys to the jokes, footnotes are great for impressing people who actually got the joke with your astute use of literary devices. No kidding, I actually picked up my second husband this way.
*Sorry, just running a little experiment to see how many times I can get away with this.

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About Prue

Ms Prue is fictional for the purposes of real life but real for the purposes of the internet.
This entry was posted in pseudo-scientific wittering and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

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