Cautionary Tales from a Sharehouse

THE CHARACTERS

Bazza – Neanderthal Man, Public Servant, Hero of the Order of the Monobrow. Sharehouse veteran.
Hippy Chick – Sort of like Neil from the Young Ones’ twin sister, but less assertive.
Overzealous Blonde – Independent Woman, tall, tanned and terrific. Refuses to take shit.
Cockroaches
Potential Housemates
Germans

Chapter 1 – Cockroaches are the Enemy

Bazza is upset about the cockroaches.

“I don’t understand. We did a cockroach bomb not two months ago, but they’re still here!”

Hippy Chick says she doesn’t want another cockroach bomb because, like, they’re not nice. Bazza’s solution – eliminate the food source.

The sun dawns bright and clear the next day on Bazza’s breadboard, covered in crumbs from dinner rolls. The change in human policy regarding roaches did not seem to register with their six-legged cohabitants. Midnight snacks continue as usual.

The following evening sees a cockroach the size of a small car enter the living room, possibly attracted by the sound of Bazza critiquing the 7.30 Report.

Overzealous Blonde dispatches the tourist with a sandal before retiring to bed.

“It’s the big ones I can’t handle,’ says Bazza. Not alpha-male material, Overzealous Blonde decides, proudly considering her independent-woman status. She leaves Hippy and Baz to stew in the post-kill tension that fills the faded pink lounge room.

The eternally tactful Hippy Chick, mindful and respectful of all living things, tries to approach the issue at hand with comments like, “Evolutionarily they are a huge success, and they seem to enjoy breadcrumbs…”

All this flies over Bazza’s head as he continues to watch obscure, meaningful television.

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About Prue

Ms Prue is fictional for the purposes of real life but real for the purposes of the internet.
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