Good news! I have a job!
Bad news. No Brompton for me. No turkish green and flamingo pink Bad Taste Barbie Brompton. The approximately $2000 required to purchase such an object is not so much of a problem as the unresolved Australian dealership situation. It could be up to six months before I get my hands on my bicycle baby, so I won’t order it until the dealership stuff is sorted. And there is every chance by that time I will no longer think spending $2000 on a new bike is a good idea.
So in the meantime I have gone out and bought pastel blue Barbie-coloured nail polish and for the first time in a decade, I’ve painted my nails. Just to see some shiny powder blue, more than anything. I have a colour craving.
Having all my nails done seems a bit much, though. I think in future I’ll just do my left index finger. Actually, I don’t know if that will make it more erotic or less.
IN OTHER NEWS, research into the world of romance fiction has commenced. I am attempting to read Marie Donovan’s Her Body of Work; that is, I am looking at words on a page in between uncontrollable fits of facepalming. At page 68, our artist heroine decides to have lunch with her BFF instead of having crazy-hot jungle sex with her male model. But lest you become concerned that her consumption of food may render her instantly fat and repulsive, her BFF feels the need to tell her: “… we’re eating at a low-fat, high-fiber, organic vegetarian cafe. Your body burns more calories digesting lunch than the food actually contains.”
Y HALLO THERE AUTHOR, SO NICE TO SEE YOU IN THIS BOOK. BTW DID YOU SEE WHERE OUR HEROINE’S BFF WENT? IT’S JUST THEY’RE MEANT TO BE HAVING LUNCH TOGETHER NOW. KTHXBAI!
This reaction is probably to be expected when you read Mills and Boon and James Wood’s How Fiction Works at the same time.
The thought occurs that reading M&B et al. in an electronic format is preferable, and there should be some sort of customisation option before you get to the story proper, where you can choose to replace words you object to (e.g. “shaft” or “column” in all instances where the reference is non-structural) with words you find less objectionable (e.g. “wang”).
WORD OF THE DAY
to impair the quality of something, corrupt, debase or spoil.
Donovan’s word choices frequently vitiated the pleasure I derived from her erotic fiction.