Cautionary Tales from a Sharehouse

Chapter 2 – I’m moving out!

Bazza: mumblemumblemumblefuckingmumblegrumblebloodyarrrgh…

Hippy: What’s the matter, Baz?

Bazza: Oh, I don’t know, I’m just sick of living in this squalor.

Hippy: Haven’t you been living here for years?

Bazza: Yeah, but I was a student then.

Hippy: And now you’ve got a real job you feel you’ve transcended all this?

Bazza: Pretty much.

[Enter Overzealous Blonde, stage right.]

Bazza: I’m moving out; three weeks notice as of next weekend.

SOME HOURS EARLIER…

La la la, thought the Overzealous Blonde as she entered the house, sated after an overzealous shopping spree. Bazza was in the lounge, watching yet another instalment of some WWII re-enactment films. Hippy was in her room, as far away from the sounds of bombs and young men dying as possible.

“Oh,” said the Blonde. “Are you still watching that movie?”

“Yes,” hissed Bazza. “Do you have a PROBLEM with that?”

“Um, no, but are you going to be watching it all night?” asked the Blonde, thinking about her personal TV plans for the evening.

Silence.

Overzealous Blonde made some overzealous hand movements to facilitate a reply from Bazza.

“NO!”

The Blonde shrugged and retreated into her room with her purchases. She flopped onto her bed, picked up a book and settled down to relax.

BANG BANG BANG.

The explosion seemed to come from her door, so she tentatively opened it. Bazza was there, blocking the doorway with his best alpha-male posture.

“I don’t appreciate being spoken to like that in my own house! It’s 5pm and you’re already snapping at me!”

Huh?

Overzealous Blonde responded the only way she knew how.

“Go to hell!” she told Bazza, and closed the door in his face.

“SEE WHAT I MEAN?” Bazza screeched from the hallway. “This isn’t effective communication and I feel we need to talk about this further!”

The Blonde mulled this over. As far as she was concerned, she hadn’t reacted inappropriately and there was no reason for any further discussion. She stomped out of her room to vent her bewilderment on the neutral housemate, leaving an authentic WWII atmosphere in her wake.

Bazza continued to watch Band of Brothers at an unreasonably loud volume for days on end, but his masculinity still proved as elusive as ever.



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About Prue

Ms Prue is fictional for the purposes of real life but real for the purposes of the internet.
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